Living Joyfully...No One Can Do It All

Although I love being a stay-at-home mom, it's not easy trying to raise a special needs child, and trying to homeschool. Both of my kids are very high energy, and what you would consider to be "spirited", which leaves me drained at the end of every day. And that doesn't even include the everyday household duties I have to accomplish just to keep my house somewhat in order. Most days, I literally have nothing left. My husband is a huge help around the house and with the kids, but it often still seems like I can't keep on top of everything. It's a constant sense of taking one step forward, two steps back.

I hit a wall recently, and decided something needed to change. I needed to figure out my priorities and stick with them. Adding too many additional commitments and placing unnecessary expectations on myself was beginning to rob the joy and the energy from my life. Here are a few things I had to do:

1. Figure Out What Means The Most To You
I'd like to say that my priorities are always in perfect order: God, my husband, my children, my health, then everything else. But, when you're overwhelmed with too much on your plate, it's easy to knock those priorities on their head.

2. For Each Priority, Make a List
In the busy seasons of life, the only commitments you should make are those that directly influence keeping your priorities in line. Everything else can wait. Here are some of the goals I have with each priority. I still struggle, but making lists always helps me.

Priority 1: God
-Devotional quiet time every day
-Regular Fellowship with other Christians
-Being a good steward of the gifts He has given me

Priority 2: My Family
-Keep everyone fed, safe, and healthy
(My Husband)
Keep the house as clean as possible. (He helps out a lot, but I don't want him to think it's always his job.)
-Minister to him in his own love language (While I would prefer to sit and talk all evening after the kids go to bed, it means more to him when we just sit together watching TV. He enjoys being able to relax and tune out.) So, 8pm-9:30pm is his time, and I try not to schedule anything during that time.
(The Kids)
-Homeschool Stinker
-Teach Junior how to speak and hear with his cochlear implants (including all the therapies he has)
-Make them feel loved and cherished every day

Priority 3: My Health
-Take time to nourish my body (aka-no more skipping meals because I "don't have time"... not eating makes me crabby!)
-Take a break when I need it (I can't do it all, and I'm a much better wife and mom if I take a break before I get too overwhelmed.)

Priority 4: Everything Else
-If I have the time and energy to focus on other things once my top priorities have been met, then I can commit to them. Otherwise, I have to say no for this season in life. 

3. Don't Feel Guilty for Saying "No" When Something Isn't On Your List
You'll be driving yourself crazy if you accept every invitation, go to every get-together, and sign up for every volunteer effort that is presented. When I feel like I'm treading water, I have to say no to literally everything except what's in my list of priorities. Sometimes I feel bad or flaky, but I also know that stretching myself too thin gives me less energy to put towards my relationship with God, my family, and my own health. Leaving me useless to be all that God has planned for me to be.

Remind yourself that many of the expectations we put on ourselves are often arbitrary, and not based in reality.
-My house needs to be a safe and healthy place, but why do I feel like I need to clean 8 hours a day?

-I need to feed my family healthy food, but instead of spending 5 hours in the kitchen cooking a gourmet meal from scratch, can I make a nutritious meal in an hour and spend the rest of the time with them?

-Why do I feel like a bad friend for not saying "yes" to every invitation I'm offered, when this stage in life may require "Hey, can you come up to my house for muffins and a conversation" instead of going to a dinner party?

-I need to give my daughter a good education, but do I really have to write all my own curriculum and spend hours on photoshop making cute little worksheets and labels, or can I find some free printables?

I can't do it all. But, I can use the time and energy that God has given me to be the best steward I can of the things He has entrusted to me. 

In this stage in life, I need to be gentle with myself, but I know that as my kids get older and less dependent on me for everything, I will have more time to devote to other things. I have to remind myself that this too shall pass. 

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To The Special Needs Mama...

Hey You!

No, not that one.

No, keep going.

Keep going.

Yes, you.

You’re probably wondering how I see you. No one ever sees you. They can’t see past that perfectly and wonderfully made little one that’s sitting with you.

Sure, they stare. They look. But they never really see.

But I know. I see.

I see you in the car. Heading to yet another appointment. Wondering if there’s still a granola bar in your purse since you forgot to eat breakfast. Again.

I see you with your friends…that sad smile when you congratulate another woman on her perfectly healthy newborn. When you hear them talking about the milestones your child may never accomplish. I see your grief when you notice them take their child’s health and development for granted; that slight twinge of pain that disappears before anyone can see it.

I see you spending your last ounce of energy helping your other children feel just as special and unique as their sibling who seems to get all your attention. Pouring yourself out to everyone else, when you feel like you have nothing left to give

I see your exhaustion at the end of the day. As you drag yourself into bed and realize that tomorrow will likely be just as long, just as challenging.

But, I also see your unrivaled joy when your child completes even the most mundane task on his or her own.  I see you relishing in a profound miracle that most people will never understand.

I also see into the eyes of your perfect child. Eyes of love. Pure love. Innocence and wonder. Eyes that give a little glimpse of heaven when you look into them.

I see the deep joy that your child is capable of bringing. He may be misunderstood at times. Feared, even, but his smile can melt the hearts of all those around him, if they choose to see.

I see you. It’s hard, it’s painful, it’s exhausting, and there may never be an answer for “why,” but I trust that all things work together for good, and that sometimes God’s greatest blessings are the unexpected challenges that help us see, truly see, the deepest abundance of love, joy, and peace that only He can give. The love, joy, and peace that He’s given your child…who wants to share it all with you.

What do you choose to see?

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When Christmas Isn't the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Christmas lights. Christmas music. Christmas cookies. Christmas presents. These are all things that usually put us in a joyful and festive mood. Christmas can be a magical season of family reunions and time with friends.

But, for many, Christmas is not magical. It can be the most difficult time of the year. Someone that has recently experienced loss will be filled with grief at the memories of seasons past. A lonely soul might wonder why he or she is not worthy of love. A parent going through a recent divorce might have to endure their first holiday without their children. A family who has just lost a job might not know how to explain to their children that there won't be any presents this year. The "most wonderful time of the year" becomes a time of sadness, regret, and dread.

If you know someone who won't be able to enjoy the season because of a situation they're facing, be the face of encouragement for them. Think of them when nobody else does. Call to say hi, send them a note that you're thinking of them, pray for them when you can. If a family is in need, drop off some groceries, or even a few small wrapped presents for the kids. A Christmas filled with pain can feel isolating, but a small gesture can make all the difference.

I feel a little sad when I'm at the store around Christmas time, and people are so irritated and caught up in the inconveniences of the moment--finding the "right" gift for their loved ones, picking out the "perfect" menu for company. This year, when you feel the hustle and bustle of the season, stop for a second. Be grateful that you have someone to buy a present for. Be grateful that you have food. Give thanks, and pray for those who are in a difficult season of life. Be the encouragement they need to bring a little joy into their Christmas, and it may just make your own Christmas even more meaningful.

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5 Ways to Take a Break Every Day (Even on the Busiest Days!)

Recently, I was asked what I do in my downtime to relax. I met the question with unintentional laughter. "What downtime?!" Juggling Junior's therapy appointments almost daily along with the typical household duties didn't leave me much time for any kind of break. But, later I thought about it. Everyone needs a break. Recognizing that even if that break is only for five minutes, I then set out to try and steal moments from every day to recharge. Here are a few ideas for carving out little breaks, even on the busiest of days.

1. Start the Day off Right
-I'm not a morning person. At all. In fact, Stinker is usually the one who wakes me up in the mornings. Despite not waking up before my kids every day, I start every morning reading a short devotional and praying for wisdom and guidance through the day. It starts the day off right, and reminds me that God is with me no matter what we encounter throughout the day.

2. In the Car
-We're often going somewhere. Appointments, soccer practice, the grocery store...somewhere. I often talk to the kids, or listen to a kid's music CD, but there are times when I ask Stinker to be quiet for 5 minutes and let her color, and I'll turn on a sermon or my favorite encouraging CD. I turn the volume way up, and pretend I'm alone. Somehow, these quiet few moments give me a little boost to get through the rest of the day.

3. Outside
-One of my favorite places to take a mini-break during the day is outside. There's something so relaxing about the warm sun, the birds calling, and the fresh air. Sometimes while the kids are safely inside playing, I'll step outside for a moment, take some deep breaths, say a quick prayer, notice the beauty of the nature around me, and head back in. When we have more time, I love taking the kids for a walk. Exercise seems to help perspective, and give me more energy to tackle the rest of the day.

4. Deep Breaths
-Several times during the day, I make it an effort to stretch and take deep breaths (in through your nose, hold for 5 seconds, out slowly through your mouth). This mini-break helps me to re-focus.

5. Hobby Time 
-Having young children is exhausting, and doesn't leave you for much time to pursue other hobbies. I really used to enjoy reading, but have found that the opportunities to read have been few and far between. But, through a conscious effort, I've been trying to carve out time every day to read. Sometimes I turn on a show for the children and head into the next room to read. These 10 or 15 minutes do so much for my attitude, and as a result I'm more patient as a mom and more efficient as a homemaker.

What is your favorite way to take a "little break" during a busy day? I'd love to hear your suggestions as well!

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Living Joyfully...Paradise Hidden

Last month, our family had the opportunity to take a vacation…our first such trip in six years. In that span, my husband had not taken more than two consecutive work days off, so it was a much needed break. While there, one of the waiters at a restaurant we ate at asked what sites we had seen. We listed off several spots we had visited, and asked him what else we should see during our trip.

“I’ve lived here my whole life,” he responded, “and you’ve probably seen more in your week here than I ever have.”

I was shocked that he had never taken advantage of his life in paradise, but then realized how true this is for all of us. When entrenched in the routines of life and work and school, we become so focused on getting things done, that we begin to forget the beauty that is all around us. I’m not just talking about tourist sites and nature either, although when was the last time you really took the opportunity to soak in the beauty of a sunset? When we’re focused on the tasks of life, we tend to forget the beauty of our family, of a roof over our heads, of food on the table. The beauty of the blessings we take for granted.

This week, try to look at life with new eyes. New eyes that see the beauty around you. When you walk outside to check the mail, listen to the birds. Next time you notice the sun setting, take a few minutes to let the peacefulness overwhelm your heart. Say “thank you” more often, and find something to marvel at. You might be surprised at how much paradise you can find hidden inside the nooks and crannies of a normally tedious routine

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An Update, an Apology, and Encouragement

First of all, I apologize to all my readers for being largely MIA the last few weeks. May was an insane month. I had three days the entire month, including weekends, with nothing on the calendar. Junior had between 3 and 5 doctor/therapies appointments every week, and Stinker filled in the gaps with gymnastics and soccer. Plus, Junior celebrated his first birthday. We celebrated his coming through so much, but the future is still unknown. Tests are out to determine whether he has any genetic conditions or syndromes that will cause a degenerative effect in many of the things we take for granted...vision, range of motion, walking, etc. I haven't been able to rest or stop worrying, but we likely won't receive results for several months. I would definitely appreciate your prayers for Junior's continued health and that he has no additional issues besides the hearing loss.

I hope to be back on a regular blogging schedule in the coming days and weeks. In the meantime, let me leave you with some encouragement:

I know what it's like to be exhausted, and helpless, and discouraged. When nothing is going your way, and just breathing in and out is an accomplishment. I know grief and pain, and anger and frustration. I have known those things all too well since the start of last year. I say "I trust God with my life", but actually feeling at peace when so many circumstances are out of my control is a different story. A friend of mine shared this verse not too long ago, and it gave me a little burst of encouragement.

Psalm 34:10 says:

The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

God knows everything that's happening, and if He hasn't given us something right now, it's because He has something even better planned for us. So very, very hard to believe when everything is "going wrong", but tuck that away and know that He knows our struggles and pain and despite it all, He has plans to prosper and not harm, no matter what is happening in our lives. Sometimes you just have to know and believe and let the feelings follow later.

Living Joyfully: Purpose to the Pain

My 8 month old had surgery last week. It was an exciting surgery that will allow him for more opportunities to mainstream with his disability. But, it was still surgery. And he hurts.

We sent him off with the Operating Room nurse, his chubby cheeks smiling at us as he was carried away. The next time we saw him, seven hours later in the recovery room, his face was swollen, eyes closed in pain and tears streaming down his sweet little face. We held him and tried to comfort him, but the pain was inevitable. This surgery was the only way for him to lead a life in which his body functions wholly, and the outcome will benefit him for the rest of his life.

But, he doesn’t see that right now. All he sees is pain. All he knows is that he hurts, and that we allowed it. He trusted us.  He doesn’t understand. He tugs on his bandages. He cries. He doesn’t want to eat. He used to be comfortable in his little life until we took him to a place that made him hurt.

Isn’t that how we are? When faced with trials, we see pain. Suffering. Rain clouds that will seemingly never part. We wonder why God has abandoned us into such misery and such despair. If He cared, He wouldn’t have let this happen.

But, what aren’t we seeing? There is a big picture, and only God can see that. My son doesn’t know why he’s in constant pain right now. But, soon he will heal, and it will have been worth it. He’ll understand someday. And, so will we; when we finally see what God was doing through our trials, we’ll realize that there was always a purpose to the pain. 

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Can You Still Be Joyful When Everything is Going Wrong?

I’ve sat down to write this post numerous times over the last month. But, I wasn’t feeling very joyful—quite the opposite actually—so I had nothing to say. Now, I think I’m feeling a little more normal and have a better perspective. So here it goes.

This year has been incredibly difficult for our family. A sudden loss, a devastating diagnosis, a pregnancy spent on bedrest, financial concerns, and to top it off, our baby, whom we were expecting to be perfectly healthy, was born with a defect that will affect him for the rest of his life. The last few months I have had no joy in my heart. Not one ounce. As someone who has difficulty coping with the post-partum period anyway, these issues have brought me to the end of myself and have had me wondering if it’s possible to have joy in spite of everything going wrong.

Joy is not based on circumstances. It’s based on the One who gives joy.

Happy, sad, mad, tired, frustrated…think of all the emotions we experience on a typical day as our circumstances change. The joy that God gives…knowing that He’s in charge and loves us no matter what…cannot be taken away by change because He never changes.

There is always something to be grateful for even when life is at its most desperate.

Even though we have difficult life-changing things going on, I still want to be grateful for the little things. The kisses from my daughter, the food on our table, the roof over our heads. The sunsets, the smell of jasmine, new boxes of crayons...they're the simple pleasures that add up.

Joy is not an absence of pain. It’s choosing to carry on in spite of pain.

I’m not saying that choosing joy makes you happy all the time. It doesn’t. Because happiness is based on circumstances. The joy comes in knowing that no matter what, everything will be okay in the end. Good will come of whatever trial you’re enduring, and that God has plans to prosper and not to harm you.

This last year has undoubtedly been the most difficult time of my entire life. It seems like we’ve struggled with one thing after another after another. If the situations hadn’t been so devastating it would have been somewhat comical. But, I trust that the One who gives joy will help me see it no matter what even when I fail.