Sharing Secrets from the Future...A Look Back at Diagnosis Day

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Thinking back on the date September 12, 2012 stirs many deep feelings inside of me. It was our D-Day...Diagnosis Day. The day my baby boy was diagnosed as being profoundly deaf. The day my life as I had known before ended, and the day a new life, one as the parent of a child with special needs began.

I see myself sitting in that little room alone with only my baby and the doctor who broke the news. I was scared, sad, and lost. I didn't know where to go, what to do, how to think, or why. Why him. Why my baby? Why me?

Now, almost two and a half years later, and after another diagnosis of sensory integration disorder, I wish I could tap myself on the shoulder and whisper to myself a few secrets about the future. A few little secrets that would have lifted my downcast head and dried the tears upon my cheeks. Secrets that would have given pause to my fears and replaced them with little glimmers of hope and tiny inklings of wonder. If only I could have seen then what I see now, this is what I would have told myself that day:

"You may not be able to heal him, but he will heal you."
He will heal you of your flawed definitions of "perfection" and "normal". There is no such thing as normal, and perfection is the love, innocence and joy he exudes. He will heal your desire to control life, and remind you of the importance of faith. He will heal your selfishness and replace it with compassion and empathy.

"You will meet amazing people along the way; people you could not imagine a life without."
The doctors, specialists and therapists you connect with will make an impact that lasts a lifetime. You will forge deep bonds with other parents who are going through similar issues, and they will be a built-in support system you come to rely on. 

"You will learn about unconditional love."
We all long to be loved and accepted no matter what we do or who we are, and your child is no different. He cannot do anything to earn your love, in fact, he will bring a lot of challenges you didn't expect, yet you will love him more than anything. Likewise, he will see you in your most exhausted, frustrated moments, and still, he will be your biggest fan.

"You'll be part of a miracle every day."
After Junior gets his cochlear implants, you will see a miracle every single day. Tears--happy, happy ones--will sting your eyes when he hears you whisper "I love you" and whispers "uh lub oo" back. You will call to him from downstairs and he will run out of his bedroom, wondering what you want. You will ask him to hand you his plate and he will. He will try to sing along at church, he will ask you for more apple juice, he will bob his head when the radio is on. He will always be deaf, and yet he will hear you. And you will never, ever take that for granted.

"You will get the encouragement to keep going when you need it most."
There will be days where you're tired and sore about your circumstances, but you will also come to rely on the little breezes that give you rest and encouragement. Just when you feel ready to give up, something will happen to keep you going. You will meet another parent further down this path that can give you a glimpse of good things to come, someone will send you an encouraging article or quote, or your child will do something to remind you that it's all okay. It's all worth it.

"You would not change him."
Yes, there are many parts about his deafness and sensory processing issues you will want to change. You will long for a good night's sleep (I might leave out the part where he's still not sleeping through the night at 2 years old.) You will be sad when people treat him different for no reason, you will get jealous of the parents who don't seem to work as hard as you do, and you will still ask "why". "Why" will never end. But, you will also come to a beautiful place where you accept every part of who he is, and realize that all those parts make up the perfect little boy that you love.

I know you can't imagine what this path is going to hold. God created this path for you...you'll never know why, but you'll take great comfort in knowing it didn't just happen...you were made for this. It will be a trek, but always remember this: the higher the mountain, the more incredible the views. And from here, the view is pretty good. You've come a long way. Sure, there are some other, higher mountains in the distance, but a future me will have to share those secrets later. I'm sure the view will be even better.

8 Things Special Needs Parents Are Tired of Hearing

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We were at a doctor's appointment today for one of Junior's specialists. While waiting, a little girl about 10 years old, unable to move or speak came in for an appointment being pushed in a wheelchair by her obviously frazzled mother and her care nurse. The other families who were waiting just ignored her, probably because they didn't know what to say or do, but Junior ran up to this little girl, grabbed her arm, touched her face and started babbling to her. The girl smiled and started shaking with delight because someone wanted to play with her. The mom thanked me profusely for letting Junior be around her, because it's obvious that most other people either stare or just ignore her.

I realize that one of the unique challenges of being a special needs parent is that most people don't know what to say or do when presented with a child that's not "typical". It's interesting to hear many of the same things over and over. In speaking with other special needs parents, here are 8 of the hardest things for special needs parents to hear.

1. "I'm Sorry."
Often, when I share that Junior is deaf or that he has sensory processing disorder, people apologize for no reason. Don't apologize. First of all, Junior wouldn't be Junior if he were born any different so I'm not sorry for it, and second, having a disability isn't something to be ashamed of. Being different shouldn't invoke pity. It's like saying "Your daughter has blue eyes. I'm sorry." Or, "Your nose is bigger than mine. I'm sorry." Instead, ask kindly, get informed, and know that his differences don't define him.

2. "God Knew You Were Such a Good Mom That He Gave You a Special Needs Child."
Wait, what? So if I were a worse parent God would have given me a typical child? 
I trust God with my life, and that means accepting that His ways are above my ways, and that He chose this path for me because it was the best path for me. Not because I was "too good" or not good enough.

3. "How Do You Handle It? I Couldn't."
Yes, you could. You would rise to the occasion and realize that you're stronger than you know. You do what you have to do, plain and simple.

4. "I Don't Care, As Long As My Future Children Are Healthy."
I've been there. I've said that more than once while pregnant with both of my children. But guess what? Even if you do have a child born with a disability, you'll still love him or her more than anything, and you'll realize that there are many incredible gifts that a special needs child can give. Eternal gifts like hope, joy, patience, and peace that you wouldn't trade for anything.

5. "My Cousin's Friend's Sister's Son Has ________"
I know you're trying to relate and make conversation, but unless you actually know the person you're referring to, there's nothing to relate to.

6. "What's Wrong With Him?"
Nothing's wrong with him. See #1.

7. "Thanks for the Perspective"
I had someone come up to me and say "I'm so lucky I'm not in your shoes. Thank you for making me feel better about my life." Wow. I'm glad to give you perspective, but please don't pity my life or think I'm somehow missing out on something better.

8. (Staring in Silence)
Okay, this one isn't something that's actually said, but staring or pointing is more hurtful than just coming up and asking. You're not going to offend me by asking about Junior, but you probably will offend me by silently staring, pointing, and talking amongst yourselves.

Contrary to popular belief, "special parents" do not get "special kids". Special kids make special parents. 

Read Junior's Story HERE

Top 10 Posts of 2014

Wow. This year is already coming to an end. How does this happen?! As soon as I get used to writing the year, it changes. Oh well. My genuine hope for all my readers is that 2015 will bring many blessings and joyous moments.

To wrap up the year, here are my 10 most read posts this year...I've got some great new posts coming in 2015...thank you so much for following Save Money, Live Joyfully!

1. You Know You're a CI Parent If...

2. Dear Lady Who Told My Deaf Son to Be Quiet

3. DIY Jeopardy Board

4. Slow Cooker Recipe Collection

5. Lego Patterns Travel Game- Free Printable

 

6. Find a Homeschool Schedule That Works for Your Family

7. DIY Lego Travel Tray

8. Our First Grade Curriculum Choices

9. Tips for Entertaining on a Budget

10. 30 Life Lessons for My 30 Years

He Calls Me Mama

His little lips curl into a Cheshire cat smile as he tilts his curly toddler head toward me.

Hi Mama, he says.

Our eyes lock for a brief second before he goes back to whatever chaos he was creating, and my heart leaps. Mama isn't just a word, it's a symbol that represents our journey. The journey of pain and hope, of grief and love, of tears and joy. The journey that has changed our lives forever.

2012 was not a good year. We experienced the loss of a parent, a tragedy involving another family member, and a difficult pregnancy that led to 6 months on bedrest and way too much TV time for my then-toddler daughter. May 22 was the day everything was supposed to get better. It was the day our son would make his debut and complete our family. He would be the catalyst for healing that would bind the wounds we had all recently suffered.

Junior came out quickly at 9:52 that morning, and he was perfect. He had an APGAR of 10, and had beautiful pudgy cheeks. He was literally perfect. A friend posted on my Facebook page: "Congratulations on the gift of a healthy son!" We had been given a gift, alright, but it was not what we were expecting.

That evening, a nurse came in to test Junior's hearing. He didn't respond to the sounds, but no one was too concerned. We had a follow-up the following week. He failed the second test as well, and he was referred to a specialist. One final failed test sealed his diagnosis, and we were sent home with a pamphlet entitled Your Deaf Child.

Crushed. Heartbroken. Confused. I had no words for my emotions at the time, but it wasn't a good place. I looked down at the infant who would never fall asleep to his mother's lullaby. Whose world was silent. The child who was supposed to bring healing, but instead brought more pain.

Over the months that followed, we saw multiple specialists and Junior endured more poking and prodding and sedations than any infant should have to endure. I no longer lived the stay-at-home-mom life of play dates, art projects, and stroller walks at the mall. Our days were filled with doctors appointments, therapies, and the impossible question of why my child?

After hitting rock bottom emotionally, we learned about cochlear implants, and found out that Junior would be a good candidate. The implants would not be able to replace natural hearing, we were told, but it would be a prosthetic that would give him the best chance of success. With this hope, we pushed forward. We met people from all over the country whose children had used cochlear implants to lead normal lives, and we jumped headfirst into the world of special needs.

On March 8, 2013, three weeks after surgery, 9 month old Junior's implants were turned on, and he heard our voices for the first time. He smiled the first time he heard my husband's voice, and we knew we had made the right decision for him and for our family.

It's almost two years after surgery, and Junior still spends several hours a week in various therapies, but he can hear us and he can talk to us. We may not have received the gift of a normal, typical, healthy child, but his unpredictable journey has given us incredible gifts we could not have imagined.

Hope. Peace. Compassion. Acceptance. Perspective.

Gifts that can only be obtained as trophies from a trial by fire.

With a typical child, I would never have recognized the beauty of the little things. The miracles. He knows my name. He hears my voice.

He calls me mama. The greatest gift of all.

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Post Roundup-November 2014

It's hard to believe that another month has passed us by, and that 2014 will be drawing to a close this month. Here are all the posts from Save Money, Live Joyfully in November. The most popular post this month was an open letter I wrote to a woman who was rude to Junior because of his challenges. I also have a free printable Christmas budget worksheet for you, as well as some easy stocking stuffer ideas for men. So, take a look, and don't forget to Pin your favorite posts!

Junior/Special Needs
Dear Lady Who Told My Deaf Son to be Quiet
Junior's Update-November 2014

Christmas
FREE Christmas Budget Printable Worksheet
25 Stocking Stuffer Ideas for Guys


Kids/Homeschool/Learning
Free $10 Credit to Educents
5 Must Have DIY Travel Activities

Recipes
10 Ideas for Best Ever Homemade Cheese Sauce

Saving Money
Why I Stopped Couponing (and How I'm Still Saving Money)

Book Reviews
Discover God's Heart Devotional Bible (Bible)
Inside the Test Kitchen (Cookbook)
365 Moments of Peace For a Woman's Heart (Devotional)
Farewell Four Waters (Fiction)
The Pizza Bible (Cookbook)
Nelson's Illustrated Bible Dictionary (Bible Reference)

Dear Lady Who Told My Deaf Son to Be Quiet

I'm sorry he's loud. I know. We're working on it. He may not have heard your words of venom, but the glare on your face said it all. Even though you didn't know his story, you rushed to judge. Let me tell you Junior's story.

After my son was born I had sadly resigned him to a life of silence. I heard the word "deaf" and my world was crushed. Hope was lost. My precious baby boy was a birth defect statistic. The world I had envisioned for him was gone, and he would forever be labeled with a disability.

Months and months of doctor's appointments confirming his diagnosis, and buckets of my tears later, he received the most incredible gift any person could ever receive--the gift of sound. Our baby endured a long surgery to have electrodes and magnets placed in his little body, he endured pain and pain medicine and antibiotics. He endured doctors poking and prodding, and appointments and being woken up from naps and being taken away from Curious George. He endured hours in the car and way too many meals of apple slices and chicken nuggets because his momma was just too tired. He's endured feeling "different" and having people stare. He always offers strangers a smile, but people are rarely kind enough to smile back because they're too busy staring.

But now, because of the gift he was given, he can finally hear his own voice. He's only loud because he can hear. His world is no longer silent. We're working on the volume, we really, really are. And that adds another therapy into his already overscheduled little life. We try to avoid stores and restaurants, but today, while I stood in line to get my children a cookie as a special treat, you felt inconvenienced and saw it your place to reprimand me.

And yet, you didn't care to ask his story. You just told me to make him quiet. I was hurt and stunned, but what I really should have done was tell you what a blessing it was that you were able to hear his voice. That your ears work, that you were already born with the gift of sound. Because while he can be loud, that little voice is a miracle and I will never take it for granted.

Read Junior's Story

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Junior's Update-November 2014

The longer we have been on this special needs journey, the more "normal" it has become. Letting Junior be Junior means I don't notice his limitations first; I notice him first. That said, it's still exciting to hear him say a new word, reach a milestone, or make progress.

Last week we took a long weekend road trip to the Bay Area. The kids did surprisingly well on the 8- hour-each-way drive, thanks mostly to DIY Travel Games and the DVD Player. Junior had a couple of meltdowns, but overall he did well considering he didn't nap in the car at all.

I celebrated my 30th birthday up there, and Junior even tried to sing me "Happy Birthday"! It came out "Hap uh buh", but at least he tried!

Junior loves fish, so we took the kids to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Junior ran around with boundless energy, running from one exhibit to another, but occasionally would stop to see a creature up close. He picked out an octopus hat as his souvenir, and spent the trip home saying "hah", for hat. He loves to wear it!

Junior is going to be 2 and a half this month, and has been hearing for 20 months. His language should be that of a 20-month old, but he's above in some areas and below in others. His receptive language (what he understands), is excellent. He understands several hundred words and phrases. His expressive language (what he can say) is behind a bit, but he says roughly 80 words. A stranger wouldn't be able to understand much of what he says, but we are confident that his annunciation will dramatically improve as he gets older.

Junior has also shown interest in letters and numbers recently. I started showing him letter and number DVDs in the car and working with him when we get the chance, and he can recognize and say all his letters, and can count to 10. I'm so impressed with his willingness to learn, but also understand that his inability to communicate at age level must be very frustrating for him.

Which has been the reason we're doing Occupational Therapy (OT). He gets very frustrated very easily, and takes it out in ways he shouldn't. (Throwing, hitting, tantrums, etc.) The hope for OT is to give him coping skills, and to make his body and brain work together more efficiently. He's also a very poor sleeper, so we're hoping that OT improves that area of his life (and ours!) as well.

The next step in his speech progress is going to be 2-3 word phrases. He has recently begun using several 2 word phrases "more ____", "want _____", "hi _____", and the new words he's saying include hat, play, phone, pizza, hungry, and stop.

I can't believe how quickly the rest of this year has been flying by. I'm sure his next words will be "turkey" and "buffet"!

Read Junior's Story HERE

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Post Roundup-October 2014

I can't believe it's November already. It seems like October just flew by! It was a busy month here. I turned 30, we took a family road trip, and Junior got a big boy bed! Here are all my posts from the month of October.

About Me

• 30 Life Lessons From My 30 Years
• 10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me

Special Needs

• Junior Being Junior is Better Than Being "Normal"
• The Burden of Comparison: A Momma's Struggle

Kids Fun and Activities

• Surprise Ice Cubes Sensory Activities
• Stinker's New Name

 Homeschooling

• Homeschooling When Your Child is Uncooperative

Recipes

• How an $11 Roast Lasted Us 4 Meals

Book Reviews

• The River (Amish Fiction)
• A Star for Jesus (Children's Christmas)
• Tacolicious (Cookbook)
• Feast for Thieves (Fiction)
• Finding God at the Kitchen Sink (Nonfiction Encouragement)
• The Southern Foodies Guide to the Pig (Cookbook)
• Honor  (Fiction)

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Junior Being Junior is Better Than Being "Normal"

Even though the special needs road can be tedious, it's also filled with beautiful moments. A couple of weeks ago, Junior was looking at a word in a book. "Auhhhr" he said as he pointed to the "R". Then, he said "Ohhhh" as he pointed to the "O". I was stunned. We had never taught him letters. We have spent all of our waking moments just getting him to understand the most basic of words. It reminded me that he understands way more than we give him credit for. Just because he can't communicate like his peers doesn't mean he's not smart, and just because he has sensory issues he can't cope with yet doesn't mean he's lacking. I've spent so long treating him as a "patient", that I sometimes forget to notice the real-live little boy in him.

Junior keeps reminding me that he's not a checklist of milestones he's missed or hasn't hit yet. He's not a questionnaire with the options "sometimes, always, never". He's not defined by his diagnosis. He's a little boy who just wants to be loved. 

He doesn't see himself as different or abnormal or challenged. He just wants to run around and play and make friends with the little pigtailed girl at the playground, and yell at his sister for turning off Curious George. He wants a lollipop at Trader Joes, and he doesn't want me to kiss him when he's riding his trike. He wants extra sprinkles on his ice cream, a turn playing catch, and a cup of milk before bed. He wants to be happy when he's happy and crabby when he's crabby, and he doesn't want anyone telling him when he should be either of those. He doesn't want to be "normal", he just wants to be him. He wants to be Junior and he wants to be loved just for being Junior. 

He'll never be "normal", but why should he settle for normal when he can be phenomenal? When he can be Junior.

Read Junior's Story Here

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Post Roundup-September 2014

I thought it would be fun and helpful for my readers if I did a post roundup every month, and divided everything into categories for easy access to all the recipes and articles I put up. What do you think? Is it helpful to post a roundup every month?

Special Needs/Junior

• You Know You're a C.I. Parent If...

Recipes

• 8 Gameday Menus on a Dime 
• Fantastic Fall Apple Crisp
• Leftover Chili Tortilla Pie

Homeschool

• Beating Homeschool Burnout Before it Begins
• Classical Conversations Giant Board Game Review

Saving Money

• Ask Sara: "Where Do You Shop?"

Book Reviews

• Get to Know King David (Children's)
• The Quick Start Guide to the Whole Bible (Bible Reference)
• The Berenstain Bears: Blessed are the Peacemakers (Children's)
• Love Letters from God (Children's)
• Your Family in Pictures (Photography)
• Good News for Weary Women (Women's Encouragment)

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The Burden of Comparison...A Momma's Struggle

Regardless of how my life is going, I've always been one to compare with others. I think we all naturally do this to a degree, but for me, it realllllly interferes with contentment. It's always been a big struggle. Even as a child, my mom used to tell me I complained too much, which I now realize is parent codespeak for Why can't you just be happy, kid?!?!

I'll admit that when Junior was born, my comparisons slipped into high gear.  

I'm a better mother than her. Why does my child have a disability and hers are normal? 

How come that family can afford a maid and a nanny and have perfectly healthy children? I work way harder that she ever will. 

This just isn't fair.

Unfortunately, there are no good answers to why others seem to "have it all", or why life can be so stinking hard sometimes. But, through the journey with Junior, I have learned one major truth that helps keep me honest.

If I'm going to compare my life to someone else, I have to look at everything in their lives. I can't pick and choose what I'm going to be discontent about. 

This reminder usually halts my comparisons fairly quickly, as I realize I wouldn't really want to walk in someone else's shoes for the long haul. I'm quite comfortable in mine, thank you. Would I really want to switch lives with someone (knowing I'm just going to pick up a whole new batch of problems) simply because I'm jealous about one thing they have and I don't? My life is full of blessings. Sure, they may not be the same blessings someone else has, but they're still gifts especially tailored to me.

Of course, I do still compare more than I care to admit. I look at a "typical" 2 year old and wish that my 2 year old were at the same level. I look at other moms in their spandexy yoga pants coming from Starbucks on their way to the mall and wish I had time to work out and shop, and that my life wasn't one big therapy appointment.

But then I take a deep breath, look at my beautiful kids, and remind myself that I wouldn't trade them for anything. I'm honored to be a part of their journey, the one God has already seen to the end, bumpy ride and all.

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The "Ah Bahm Oo" Miracle...An Update on Junior

Junior talking to Bionic Buddy, the mascot for his cochlear implant company.

To most of you it would sound like gibberish. The meaningless jargon of a toddler, as he learns to find his voice. But to me, it's a miracle.

"Ah bahm oo"

It represents our journey. All the fears and pain. All the things I thought I was giving up when I accepted that Junior was deaf. The dreams I thought I had to abandon because our child wasn't "perfect" in the eyes of the world.

It represents the last two years of sacrifice, appointments, therapy, and tears.

It represents hope. Picking up the pieces and realizing that joy doesn't come from circumstances. That miracles happen in the mundane.

Because this time, when I picked him up and said "I love you", Junior looked at me and replied "ah bahm oo".

The dream I had once discarded--of my child hearing me say I love you--was picked up, dusted off, and  presented to me as a gift. A gift of his not only hearing me, but telling me that he loved me too.

"Ah Bahm Oo" may mean nothing to a stranger, but to me it means everything.

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An Update on Junior...Summer 2014

We've been continuing twice a week speech therapy with auditory verbal therapy with Junior this summer, but have taken a break from occupational therapy until the Fall, and may begin physical therapy when we resume as well. The few OT sessions we've had have already helped his balance and his sensory issues, and his speech is really improving!

He's 25 months, but has been implanted for 16 months, so his speech capabilities are expected to be around that of a typically developing 16 month old. At his last assessment, he understands over a hundred words and phrases, and can say 50 words, including a couple of sentences! "Daddy" is still his favorite word, and "Hi Daddy" is his sentence of choice. Occasionally he'll mix it up and say "Hi doggy" or "Hi Gramma" when he sees a familiar face, but Daddy is his best buddy.

Some new words he's started saying recently:
-Apple...this one is super obvious. A stranger could hear it and know he's saying apple!
-Stuck..."uh oh. Stuck." is the phrase he uses when he can't reach a toy or when he can't get my hidden chocolate stash out of it's hiding place =)
-Owie...every time someone or something gets hurt, he runs up and gives it a kiss while saying "owie". I love seeing his caring personality emerging.
-Stink...this comes out sounding like "ning", but he's beginning to tell us when he needs a diaper change. I'm thinking potty training may be in the near future!
-Drawing...Junior loves to draw (occasionally on my walls), and proudly announces that he's daww-eeee" (drawing).

The next step in Junior's progress will be continuing to strengthen his vocabulary. There are two types of vocabulary we're aiming to increase...receptive and expressive. Receptive vocabulary are the words and phrases he understands, and it comes along quicker than expressive language which are the words and phrases he can actually associate with something and say out loud. We're hoping his expressive language hits a major growth spurt soon, and that he starts stringing lots of words together to make sentences.

Besides his therapies, Junior has been enjoying a lot of time in the water this summer. We opted for a waterproof cochlear implant so he can hear while he's swimming, and he's definitely a water baby. He never wants to leave the pool, and yells "bahhhhh" when we're driving by the beach.

Stinker adores her little brother, and is very protective of him. They like to snuggle up on the couch and watch Frozen together. It's so heartwarming, and I'm so grateful to be at the point where I wouldn't change anything about Junior's challenges, since he's so perfect just the way God made him.

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5 Ways Having a Special Needs Child Has Made Me a Better Person

Having Junior has been a roller coaster. I always say the lows of having a special needs child are lower, but the highs are much higher, and the blessings that come from Junior's innocence and joy are beyond measure.

The pain of hearing your child has a "diagnosis" is devastating, but the joy of watching them reach even the most mundane milestone is unparallelled. We've started a new round of therapies with Junior...he's now in Occupational Therapy in addition to the Speech Therapy, and they've recommended him to Physical Therapy as well. It's been a busy and exhausting couple of weeks, but through it all, I've realized that his challenges have made me a better mom, and a stronger person.

1. I've Learned to Relax
When Stinker was born, I had all those "First Time Mother" lists. She couldn't watch TV until she was 2, then it was only limited to educational shows while we engaged in thoughtful discussions about what we had watched. Everyday, we worked on our letters and numbers and I taught her to count in Latin at 18 months. I worried about every single milestone, and made constant checklists about what she "needed" to be accomplishing at her age.

Looking back, I wasted so much precious energy worrying about things I couldn't control. Once Junior was born and his special needs were made apparent, my perspective changed completely. No, he's not "ahead" of his peers, and he's not hitting milestones when "they" say he should, but he is hitting milestones at his own pace, and I'm okay with that. He will learn his alphabet, he will learn to speak, and he will be able to run smoothly someday. Maybe not today, but in his time. In the meantime, I just keep looking at the little things he's accomplished, and am grateful for the little "Hi"s I never thought I'd hear.

2. Little Things Don't Bother Me As Much
I'm a fairly intense and competitive person. As my mother would say, I often get my knickers in a knot. Before Junior, a burnt dinner would result in an evening of sulking, a missed TV show would garner some lofty complaining, and the little details of life seemed to be bogging me down. But, once he came along, I realized that some things are more important and longer lasting than the little inconveniences in life. This has allowed me to appreciate more of the blessings in life.   

3. I Give Myself Grace
My days are spent running from appointment to appointment, homeschooling, and trying to keep  everything most things running smoothly, I realize that I can't do it all and have to prioritize. There are seasons of life where you have to let things go and not beat yourself up about it. This season of life is one of pre-cut veggies from Trader Joes and frozen pizzas, not gourmet meals. I'm tired. I don't have three loads of laundry done and fresh bread baked by the time my kids wake up. If I wake up before them, it's usually just a couple minutes before. But, we usually snuggle into my bed and watch Sesame Street together, which is precious time I wouldn't trade for anything. Sometimes it means the laundry doesn't get done that day, but I do the best I can, and give myself grace for everything else.

4. I Take Less for Granted
Junior's deafness made me look at hearing in a whole new way. I could never take it for granted again. And once he got his cochlear implants, the miracle of hearing became even more exciting.

5. I See Past Outward Appearances
The stares. Oh the stares. Sometimes they're just curious, sometimes concerned, but on occasion people can be rude and inconsiderate. Junior comes with a few extra wires and some challenges, and I see when other kids avoid playing with him as a result, and it breaks my heart. He is sweet and wonderful, and some people can't see past the outward appearance. He may not be "perfect" in the world's eyes, but he is perfect to me, and I hope everyone he meets gets to know the real Junior, and not just the Junior who needs to wear magnets on his head and walks a little funny.

Junior has taught me so much, but I think the most important thing he's given me is a little glimpse into unconditional love. I can never fathom how much God loves me, but because of Junior, I'm beginning to understand His love a little bit better. Sure, he comes with some challenges, but I love him no matter what. Even though we aren't perfect, God loves us through it all. And that gives me more joy than anything.

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Ask Sara: "All About Junior"

I get a lot of questions about Junior...from my readers, people we see in the grocery store, and even my friends. Here are a few frequently asked questions about my sweet little buddy.

"So, what's wrong with him?"
Nothing's wrong with him. Junior is fearfully and wonderfully made; he just happens to be missing his hearing. Aside from profound deafness, we are not aware of any other issues, but we're keeping an eye on his development and his vision, as issues in either of those areas could mean that he may have additional challenges.

"What is a cochlear implant?"
Simply put, a cochlear implant is an electronic device that helps a deaf person hear.
It consists of an internal magnet and electrode array that is placed in the cochlea. A microphone and speech processor worn on the outside of the body (attached to the head via magnet), feeds electrical signals into the implant, where the auditory nerve is stimulated, and the brain interprets it as sound.

"Can he hear normally now?"
Even with the incredible technology of the cochlear implant, Junior will always have a mild hearing loss.
And, just because the device is working doesn't mean he can suddenly hear normally. Consider the implant like a prosthetic limb. With any prosthetic, the user will need to practice using it often, and go to many physical therapy appointments to help his body learn to adjust and use it like a normal part of the body. In the same way, Junior's brain has to learn how to use the implants like a regular ear. He is in intensive speech and auditory verbal therapy several times a week, and we do many speech exercises at home to make sure he's hearing as much and as well as possible.

With the skilled help of his amazing therapists, we are hoping Junior will be caught up to his peers in speech development by the time he is in Kindergarten!

"When did you find out he was deaf?"
Junior failed the newborn hearing screen given in the hospital, but it was determined he had a lot of fluid backed up in his ear which we were told would dissipate and restore his hearing. When he was 3 months old, the fluid had dissipated, but the profound deafness was still there. After several emotionally difficult months after diagnosis, we found out he was a candidate for a cochlear implant, and we began that long, but rewarding journey. 

"How many words can he say?"
Junior will be 2 in a couple weeks, and has had his cochlear implant for 13 months. As of last month, he had the speech development of a typical 15 month old. He can say roughly 30 words, and can understand about 80-100 different words and phrases. He's not putting words together to form phrases or sentences yet, but that is the next step! It's amazing to see how far he's come!

"My baby was recently diagnosed with special needs. I'm not sure what to do. Do you have any advice?"
When Junior was first diagnosed, I was in a heap of emotions I couldn't even pinpoint. Sadness, guilt, anger, and the ever-present why. At the same time, he was so precious and little and like us all, just wanted to be loved no matter what. There's no right or wrong way to react to your child's diagnosis, since it's completely natural to go through a grieving process when you find out your child is not "perfect" in the world's eyes.

One of the most helpful thing for me to do was to surround myself with other special needs parents, especially those who were further down the road than I was. They can give you the encouragement you need to through the difficult times. Hearing "it's going to be okay" from someone who has never walked the road means nothing. Hearing it from someone else who has experienced the same things means everything.

Along the road, I also learned to look at Junior through God's eyes. God made him perfect in His eyes, and sometimes I need to remember that God doesn't look at the outward appearance, and neither should we. The treasures and blessings that Junior has brought with him have been so deep and rich, that I don't think I'd change anything about him...he's perfect.

Finally, give yourself grace. Take deep breaths. Try to get away by yourself and relax. You don't need to hold it all together or do it all. Especially in the first months of diagnosis, it's everything you can do to get out of bed in the morning. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Don't beat yourself up that your house is dirty and dinner is takeout again. Show your baby the love he or she longs for, and forget about everything else right now. If you'd like specific advice or need some encouragement, feel free to contact me.

Read Junior's Story HERE




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To The Special Needs Mama...

Hey You!

No, not that one.

No, keep going.

Keep going.

Yes, you.

You’re probably wondering how I see you. No one ever sees you. They can’t see past that perfectly and wonderfully made little one that’s sitting with you.

Sure, they stare. They look. But they never really see.

But I know. I see.

I see you in the car. Heading to yet another appointment. Wondering if there’s still a granola bar in your purse since you forgot to eat breakfast. Again.

I see you with your friends…that sad smile when you congratulate another woman on her perfectly healthy newborn. When you hear them talking about the milestones your child may never accomplish. I see your grief when you notice them take their child’s health and development for granted; that slight twinge of pain that disappears before anyone can see it.

I see you spending your last ounce of energy helping your other children feel just as special and unique as their sibling who seems to get all your attention. Pouring yourself out to everyone else, when you feel like you have nothing left to give

I see your exhaustion at the end of the day. As you drag yourself into bed and realize that tomorrow will likely be just as long, just as challenging.

But, I also see your unrivaled joy when your child completes even the most mundane task on his or her own.  I see you relishing in a profound miracle that most people will never understand.

I also see into the eyes of your perfect child. Eyes of love. Pure love. Innocence and wonder. Eyes that give a little glimpse of heaven when you look into them.

I see the deep joy that your child is capable of bringing. He may be misunderstood at times. Feared, even, but his smile can melt the hearts of all those around him, if they choose to see.

I see you. It’s hard, it’s painful, it’s exhausting, and there may never be an answer for “why,” but I trust that all things work together for good, and that sometimes God’s greatest blessings are the unexpected challenges that help us see, truly see, the deepest abundance of love, joy, and peace that only He can give. The love, joy, and peace that He’s given your child…who wants to share it all with you.

What do you choose to see?

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